Among other things, I am a martial artist, and like many who have elected this path and put in years of practice and study, I have returned to a place of contentment where the last thing I want in my life is violence of any kind.

There is a memorable scene in one of the Frankenstein movies, when the monster is befriended by a blind fiddler. Without speech, the brute ingratiates himself and is accepted for his inner beauty, and without sight, the fiddler is appreciated for his hearth, his warmth, and his hospitality.

They become friends, as the firelight flickers in the modest cabin, somewhere up at the tree line’s edge, beyond the reach of the town and its torch bearing tormentors.

The “Tao,” the revered book of Chinese wisdom attributed to Lao Tsu, says the greatest tragedy is to have an enemy.

This line presupposes that in living, deep conflicts are optional, not customary. In a sense we choose an adversarial life, and if this is so, it is a very bad election to make.

I was meditating on my behavior, lately, and I like it, especially the politeness I have been showing, thanking people, and saying “please” often. I’ve been patient in traffic, acknowledging people for their telephone assistance, and effortlessly complimenting folks for the small gestures they’ve been making on my behalf.

These are little civilities, I know, but they’ve been met with reciprocating gentleness and appreciation. I’m beginning to hear the fiddler, and feel the warm fire tickling my thickened skin.

Could we devise a martial art based on good manners and appreciation?

Is this, in part, the basis of the Japanese Tea Ceremony?

Is this the spirit that the Aikido founder, Morihei Ueshiba, was inspired by?

Is this the true strength of committed pacifists, like Gandhi and Martin Luther King?

Make friends with yourself, and heal your torn and conflicted motivations, and then see what kind of martial artist you become.

Best-selling author of 12 books and more than 900 articles, Dr. Gary S. Goodman is considered "The Gold Standard"–the foremost expert in sales development, customer service, and telephone effectiveness. Top-rated as a speaker, seminar leader, and consultant, his clients extend across the globe and the organizational spectrum, from the Fortune 1000 to small businesses. He can be reached at: gary@customersatisfaction.com.